So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
