But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
