He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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