I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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