I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize