This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
