she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
