My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
