the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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