I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
