Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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