So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
