the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
