Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
