I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You ruined the universe
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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