Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
