I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
