i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
