I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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