just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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