I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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