Welp...herpes.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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