its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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