coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The best revenge is premature balding
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
