Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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