I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The uberlube is also flammable
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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