My liver just broke up with me...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
