this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
