Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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