remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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