I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
