My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
