I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i will never coherently bang her
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize