Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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