he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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