I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
