I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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