i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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