Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
