You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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