I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
