Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
