fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
