if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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