does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the day after is always just damage control
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
