So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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