its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
