everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
