I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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