i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we're making bets on your personal life
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
