If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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