i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
