Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we have officially lost it.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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