I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
