Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
