I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
