Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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