So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
