you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
