Heybabeimwearingurpanties
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
