i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
