Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
