I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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