What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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