the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
