I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i think i just naturally attract stoners
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
