my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
