I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
