the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
