youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
