Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
